Why I became a mother

I had children because I am meant to be a mom, not because it was the logic next step in anything society told me was necessary or because I was trying to prove something to anyone. I did not use them as a bandaid to fix something broken and beyond repair and I most certainly did not become a mom so that I could pawn them off on others every chance I got. This is the same reason I became a co-leader to their girl scout troop. They are all my girls and I love them.

 

Now I am not saying being a mom has been easy but it is exactly who I am and everything that is a part of it, is just that, a part of it. I love my girls.

 

My children will grow up knowing consequences, love, perseverance and kindness. They are benevolent, and caring even though sometimes they can be jerkish, they are children and still learning. Just wanted to put that out there. Not because something extraordinary happened today but because I am listening to them be kids and it warms my heart to hear.

Dinner disaster or not

So, I overcooked my chicken thighs. Ugh. Dinner ruined… or is it? Put on my thinking cap and looked in my fridge. Was trying to do without dairy but tonight had to be an exception.

Sorry, no pic of the food. But I wrote down the recipe.

23.5 oz boneless skinless chicken thighs
2.5 oz white oak cheddar cheese  (Cabot)
.7 oz Fresh mozzarella
.7 oz Kerrygold Dubliner cheese
4 oz Philadelphia Cream cheese
1 cup roasted garlic pasta sauce – no added sugar
2.5 oz pork/beef pepperoni (cut into small pieces)

Cook chicken, or overcook it like I accidentally did, then shred. Mix cream cheese and pasta sauce until smooth. Mix sauce with chicken. Shred cheeses and sprinkle over top. Bake at 350°F for 20 minutes or until heated through. Makes 4 servings.
31.2g Fat
45.3g Protein
5.9g Carbs
5.6g Net Carbs

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Skip the bathroom scale!!!

Skip the bathroom scale!!!

Huge results to post today after feeling like I haven’t been moving anywhere on this diet Journey for about a month.

 

I decided why not take a couple of photos to do some comparisons and maybe do a little measuring. The scale is my enemy. The bathroom scale that is because my kitchen scale is used more times than anything I think in my house other than my pots and pans on my toilet. I know TMI. And by the way I do not use my pots and pans for a toilet just in case any of you were wondering.

 

So anyhoo even though I said I wasn’t going to weigh myself until I was at least a month post-op… I have been wearing myself like a freaking fiend trying to wear off another pound trying to lose another few ounces to get to a different weight goal. What a waste of time. Yes I did lose 5 pounds. I am currently at about 42 pounds lost but I knew that because I lost those 5 pounds before my surgery and haven’t lost anything since.

 

So this morning I had all kinds of extra time because my lovely children look up when they were supposed to. Their alarms went off and they jumped out of bed… Okay let’s get realistic one of them jumped out of bed and the other one kind of moved at a sloth’s pace from her bed to the floor and finally made it to the bathroom to brush your teeth and her normal bathroom stuff. Regardless though kids were downstairs lost dressed teeth brushed hair brushed ready to go out the door lunch bags in hand and a wonderfully hot breakfast in tummy half an hour early.

 

So as you can imagine at this point I am feeling pretty stinkin good about my mothering skills being 23 days post cervical spine surgery and still having amazing kids and an amazing husband getting everything done. Also side note Staples got removed yesterday and incision is looking pretty good. And yesterday I had some Huge results to post today after feeling like I haven’t been moving anywhere on this diet Journey for about a month.

 

 

I decided why not take a couple of photos to do some comparisons and maybe do a little measuring. The scale is my enemy. The bathroom scale that is because my kitchen scale is used more times than anything I think in my house other than my pots and pans on my toilet. I know TMI. And by the way I do not use my pots and pans for a toilet just in case any of you were wondering.

 

 

So anyhoo even though I said I wasn’t going to leave myself until I was at least a month post-op… I have been wearing myself like a freaking fiend trying to wear off another pound trying to lose another few ounces to get to a different weight goal. What a waste of time. Yes I did lose 5 pounds. I am currently at about 42 pounds lost but I knew that because I lost those 5 pounds before my surgery and haven’t lost anything since.

 

 

So this morning I had all kinds of extra time because my lovely children look up when they were supposed to. Their alarms went off and they jumped out of bed… Okay let’s get realistic one of them jumped out of bed and the other one kind of moved at a sloth’s pace from her bed to the floor and finally made it to the bathroom to brush your teeth and her normal bathroom stuff. Regardless though kids were downstairs lost dressed teeth brushed hair brushed ready to go out the door lunch bags in hand and a wonderfully hot breakfast in tummy half an hour early.

 

 

So as you can imagine at this point I am feeling pretty stinkin good about my mothering skills being 23 days post cervical spine surgery and still having amazing kids and an amazing husband getting everything done. Also on Monday I got my staples taken out and in about two months I can start physical therapy. So yay exclamation point… really seriously! The speech to text thing is really making me sound like I’m a lunatic. That can’t be accurate.

 

Anywho, As I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself, yesterday I also got to sneak out and go visit my sister for a little bit and also got a visit from a very good friend that I haven’t seen for a little while so it’s been a pretty darn good week so far.

 

 

So here’s the exciting part. In all actuality the children getting ready was not the exciting part because they generally do most of what I ask when I ask him to including all of their laundry. 9 years old doing laundry awesomeness right? Granted sometimes they need some gentle measuring coaxing or shoving in the direction of getting things totally accomplished but again 9 years old need I say more?

 

 

Okay so measurements done and… Drum roll please. Wait a second

 

double check

 

triple check

 

 

quadruple check

 

recalculate please

 

This can’t be right. The only thing that I’ve been able to do since my surgery or squats and leglifts which I have been doing daily sense about a week and a half ago but that’s it.

 

Here it is…

 

 

Since February 13th 2015 scratch that 2016 because I’m apparently out of your behind in my head, I have lost an additional five and three quarter inches. That brings my total lost to 47 pounds, But like I said the scale is not my friend so I don’t care about the scale because the inches don’t lie. I am currently at 46 & 1 quarter inches lost. That’s huge. Pet store near four feet. So almost four feet of fat gone forever. Exclamation point no seriously I actually wanted an! You have to excuse me because a lot of this is being done speech to text and sometimes my speech-to-text sides that it wants to change my words around. I think it’s a little demonic but I’m not a hundred percent sure.

 

 

Anyhoo that’s my awesomeness for the day. Pictures coming in a few minutes. I wish all of you lovely people a fabulous March 16th 2016.

Please accept my apologies for any craziness that my speech-to-text has made things out to be. I assure you I am not drinking or under the influence of anything.

 

Oh by the way… I also included an awesome meal that I made last night for dinner. Macros are for 1 serving. Recipe makes 4 servings. Use chicken breast for lower fat.PhotoGrid_1458134883666PhotoGrid_1458134242740PhotoGrid_1458133435156PhotoGrid_1458083395701

Breaking through limitations one step at a time.

Breaking through limitations one step at a time.

When I had my first cervical fusion in April of 2014 my doctor gave me limitations of Maximum 10 pound weight Lifting limit. Because of the surgery I figured I needed to closely follow the limits to increase the chances of a full healing result.

After 6 months it was still not healed. Even a year post surgery the healing was not complete. At this point my surgeon suggested we could be dealing with pseudo arthrosis. Basically in layman’s terms that means failed Fusion. I chose at that point to give it a little bit more time. At that point I was also tired of keeping within the 10 to 15 pound limitation that I had. I had gained so much weight I was so unhealthy feeling and looking. I was depressed because I felt disgusting.

 

The problem I was seeing though was that I didn’t eat garbage food. We ate what I thought was a very balanced diet. Every meal has vegetables in it wait for many times was breakfast I would eat oatmeal and add her to the oatmeal. With dinner we would often have rice instead of mashed potatoes or any potato product.

Finally in August I decided to join a gym. At the beginning it was hard to stay on a routine even though a very good friend of mine would meet me there as a wonderful support system for each other. It wasn’t until September that I started going every week at minimum two times. Most weeks I would make it there 3 times a week before I went to college. Yes through all this I was still going to college but will get Into that in another post.

 

I wasn’t really seeing a whole lot of difference from going to the gym but I wasn’t quite as easily discouraged as I had been times before when I tried to lose weight because I told myself that I didn’t gain it overnight so I definitely wouldn’t lose it overnight. in October, on the 21st to be exact, I cut out the foods that were holding me back and I didn’t ease myself into it. I didn’t say okay I’m going to start this diet next week after I eat all of the crap food that’s in my kitchen so that I don’t waste it. My husband is following the same diet that I am. We took the food that we could no longer eat and donated it because why waste it? And even more importantly why punish my body by waiting another week to become healthier me?

 

I am very happy to say that despite my current recuperation from posterior cervical spinal fusion 2 weeks ago that I am still able to do some exercise. For instance today I did 55 sumo squats and 55 basic squat with side leg lift and I finished it off with 25 double leg lifts. Since I can’t do weight lifting and work on the top half my bottom has certainly should not have to suffer and little things like that can go a long way when done everyday.

 

Up until my surgery this past timeI was taking my body measurements every Saturday or something if I forgot to do it on Saturday and I was weighing myself generally about once a week. Because I am on pain medication and meds for muscle spasms I chose to step away from the scale and not measure myself for a little while and just focus on being healthy.

 

I increased my protein by 10 grams per day and reduce my fat by 5 grams for day to promote the healing of the bones in my spine and the muscles that need to be moved in order to get to those bones. Even my worst days now are better than my best days were with my last surgery because my body is stronger.

 

The pictures that you take when your on a diet are so important. And let me make it clear that this diet that I am on is not something that I am going to do until I reach my goal. This is going to be a permanent lifestyle change because if I go back to eating and the bad habits that I had before I will likely gain the same way back.

 

My daughters tell me they’re proud of me. My husband of almost 15 years looks at me like we’re newlyweds now again. I feel energy like I’ve not had ever. My depression issues are almost non-existent. The inflammation from my injuries the head cause me so much pain and the information from the fibromyalgia that made it difficult and sometimes impossible to perform simple tasks is so reduced that sometimes I forget it’s there.

 

Today while looking through some pictures I found a photo of myself from June of 2015 when we had family come visit. I looked at that picture and saw that the top that I had on what’s the same top that I wore for my January 11th 2016 weight loss picture. PhotoGrid_1457534005670

perseverance

 

I want to lose weight, please tell me what to do, when to do it, how to do it and what I should eat… I can’t. We are all different. Different things work for different people. All of our circumstances are not alike so why would one specific menu work for us all? Being healthy has to come from a drive within, not from an image we seek to fulfill.

I can and will be happy to post recipes that work for me as well as struggles from my past. What you have to do is change your mind set. No quick fix diet will be a healthy change. Sugar is a drug that is as addictive as many that are deemed illegal.

This journey I am on… it is a lifestyle commitment. I will never be the person I was.

I want to lose weight…

 

I want to be a healthier person…

 

Tell me what to eat, what exercise to do, what time to weigh myself, how often to weigh myself… Why can’t I keep the weight off? I am doing this for my husband, my job, my kids… STOP!

That was me! I was doing this for all the wrong reasons. Lost 30 pounds. Rewarded myself with CAKE. Immediately I went back to my previous eating habits and back came the weight and depression and guilt. I was waiting for someone to do it for me instead of taking control of what was controlling me.

A change has to be permanent and healthy so it is maintainable for the long term. I am not a dr or dietition. I am a mom, a sister, a wife, a friend, a student who struggled for nearly 20 years with my weight.

I have fibromyalgia along with other pain from an accident in 2013. That is no excuse.  I do not take chemical medications to cope with it. I deal with my pain as a gift. You have to be alive to feel pain. It shows and reminds me I have some limitations but as long as I do not mask that pain, I can overcome those limits and restrictions and continue to be a stronger version of myself.

 

Thank you for reading.