Trying to realize a new reality

So, this morning I weighed myself. I am 50 pounds lighter today than I was October 21, 2015. I woke up in a full blown fibro flare this morning and fell UP the stairs on my way to the bathroom. I do not take meds for the fibro except for something to help me sleep. The morning was a bit of a roller coaster. I am not sure if it is from the flare or the yuck weather outside but I am really having a hard day dealing with things today. I hurt physically and emotionally I am a mess.

After the auto accident I was in in June of 2013 I saw a therapist for PTSD symptoms. I had to stop going because of having to drive so far to get to the appointments. Now, almost 3 years later, I am still unable to lift. My career path has changed so much as well as my ability to do many of the things that I had before. I didn’t realize how much this was effecting me until recently when I tried to get disability until I can work again and was immediately turned down. 2 spinal surgeries, lots of physical therapy of different types and spinal pain injections plus PTSD and fibromyalgia that, some days is debilitating… Took only a month to get the denial papers. I do not want to live off of a disability check but my kids need to eat and my husband should not have to worry so much about money.

I went to talk to a disability lawyer. As I was recounting some of what has changed in the last few years I welled up and cried like a baby. It was then that I realized that I need to be talking to someone. I have been short tempered with my family because I do not know what to do to start dealing with these abrupt changes that I had no control over. I started therapy last week. This is going to be a journey I am reluctant to take. I have to take it though so that I can be the mom and wife that I want to be.

I am not going to let this beat me. I will be a good mom and wife and I will not stay in bed all day. I will accomplish great things, even if they are not the things I had been aiming for when I received my associates degree in Special education 2 weeks before the accident. It could have been much worse. I have been given so much extra time to spend with my daughters. Searching for inner strength and utilizing the strength and support of those around me.

 

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