A new day

20160229_205535-1Today is the second day since my husband went back to work. He has been amazing. He takes such good care of me. A week and a day ago I had posterior spinal fusion with decompression. I have staples in my neck. I will post a picture.

Not gonna lie, the pain sucks. I think the thing that sucks the most is the muscle spasms. Since they had to go in through the back of my neck they had to move all the supporting muscles to get to my spine so I’m looking at at least another week or two of some pretty severe muscle spasms before they start to fix themselves.


All that being said, I am still finding ways to do tiny little workouts. Even if I just do 20 or 30 squats when I have the extra energy. I am eating a little bit more protein than I normally do to promote healing and taking lots and lots and lots of vitamins. Since this is the second time that I’ve had a cervical fusion I am actually pleasantly surprised at the difference in this one.


The first surgery that I had was in 2014 and I did not have very much range of motion in my arms or shoulders prior to the surgery. I was also 40 pounds heavier and was not eating as healthy as I should have been. I really thought it was my friend but then I found out it was one of those friends that is great in front of you but when you turn around and see what it does behind your back, or more like to your butt, You realize that it’s not your friend.


I am delighted that today is March 1st sun is shining I hear birds outside my window I’m so excited to start walking outside. Right now I need somebody to walk with me because I’ve been getting dizzy spells and don’t want to be walking by myself and pass out. But that will come. I will beat this. I will get back to work and be the best I can be.


So yesterday I spent the majority of the day crying. Like everything made me cry and nothing made me cry and then thinking about crying made me cry. So I of course googled it because why not? Apparently there is a such thing as post operative depression and since I am already prone to mild seasonal depression it’s not entirely out of the question.


I do not generally take medications for things so what I am to them too is write down things that I am thankful for like the wonderful friends that contact me daily to see how I’m doing and my beautiful children who hug me and tell me how proud they are of me.

I know that as long as I keep my diet in check by eating healthy and take vitamins that I need to sustain myself and make sure that I stay well hydrated and rested as well as doing a little bit of exercise here and there that I will come out a stronger and better person. We all have darkness in our lives. It is how we look for the light that makes all the difference.

So yesterday my dad called me to see how soon and he told me no break dancing. I love him he’s got the best sense of humor he always cheers me up. So in response to that I said that I’m pretty sure it doesn’t require any neck muscles to twerk. Let me start by saying I do not partake in Twerking. But the conversation that followed which included me explaining in detail what twerking was to my dad was hilarious.


So conversations like that, the beautiful plant that I received, along with a lovely balloon from fantastic friends of mine and the flowers that my children and my husband gave to me are all nice reminder that there is beauty in the world and no matter how sad I may feel about having to rely on other people in the current time, things will get better.

Right now the hardest thing that I’m dealing with does my lack of independence. I pride myself in helping others. In fact if you ask my children what I do for a job, or at least what I did for a job when I was working, they would say my mom helps people so that they can do things that they couldn’t do for themselves. I have immense amount of pride in the type of work that I do and there is never a doubt in my mind that this is what I meant to do. Yet when I have to be the one asking for and accepting helpIt just seems to be an impossibility for me.


I am hoping that these blogs that I’m writing are interesting the people and not just some ramblings of whining crap. No matter how difficult things are there’s always a way you just have to be able to open your eyes to find those ways.

And now I need to take a little short nap before my kiddos come home since I just took a muscle relaxer to stop muscle spasms. I hope to see that I have some followers soon but even if I don’t it’s just nice to get my words out there. Be well


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